Rebranding Vegetables
Today at brunch a woman on the sidewalk started harassing all the patrons and singing about how great it is to be vegan and cruelty-free, and distributing PETA literature on vegetarianism. I raised the bacon on my fork in support of her activist effort.
OK, veganism and especially vegan sidewalk activism outside 7A is pretty silly, but it did make me consider vegetarianism, or, specifically, how one might more effectively advocate such a lifestyle which isn’t that all that popular, but is actually not all that bad of a thing.
First of all, let’s forget the PETA/cruelty angle. The fact is that people are cruel. So are animals. Evolution is a bitch like that. Every person has a certain amount of DNA encoded desire to eviscerate a living thing and grill and eat its flesh.
Ok, the grill part might not be in the DNA, but you get the point.
So, let’s treat the Vegetarian Lifestyle not from the cruelty towards animals view of PETA, but from something more modern, temporal, and sexy. What’s the angle?
Efficiency. This whole green fad is going to stick around for a while, so capitalize on that shit. Get the liberals who love meat but get a hard-on for hybrids by informing them how damn efficient vegetables are. The statistics are actually pretty staggering: 1 acre can yield either 165 lbs of meat or 20,000 lbs of potatoes. And in this economy, potatoes sound pretty good about now.
Of course, in the U.S., prices for fresh produce are fucked by years of running a trade deficit so China can make our happy meal toys, which means that Vegetable Corp. of America needs to get some serious lobbying going on to address prices before they can get heavy with the efficiency propaganda.
But why stop there? Why not take the vegetarian/eco-friendly idea and jam it up with the latest in the quick-serve industry? Put some solar panels on a Taco Bell and call it Fresh Effect and sell really good vegetarian shit in cute little disposable but easily biodegradable boxes. And put some R&D into making some really fucking good french fries.
The Priuses will be lining up outside.
I dunno. Vegetable-lovers, what do you think?
